Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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