I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
