just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
