A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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