I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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