im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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