I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
