this beer tastes like vomit already
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
