Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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