i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
