Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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