My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
