Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
