The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize