i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
