So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
