So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Randomize