we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
