I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
