i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
