clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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