I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
