She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
