does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize