just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
