So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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