You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
