My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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