u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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