i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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