Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
