If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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