I think I died a long time ago.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
