may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I can't turn off my feet"
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
