maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm too high and old for this...
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
