Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
