so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
