You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
