Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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