when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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