He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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