hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
