I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
