I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
My feet surprised me
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