just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
