i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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