i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
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