there's paper in my vomit.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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