when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
