He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Edward fifth and chaser hands
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
