So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I FOUND THE LEGS
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
