what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
