thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Duck Duck Cougar?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
