Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
