We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
