i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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