She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
