god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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