you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
