I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize