Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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