apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
