Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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