highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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