ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
