ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
