i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
