just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
