Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
