still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
