I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
