I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
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