Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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