She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
