Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Randomize
