I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
